Happy New Year!
What a wild ride 2020 was. I know I’m not alone when I say that it had its highs and lows. The entire year wasn’t a total dumpster fire but there were definitely moments. If I’m really honest though, there were more good moments and happy memories that I can hold onto if I pivot just a little in my focus. I’m thankful for that.
With that said, 2021 is here. I know I’ve expressed on Instagram earlier this month that I don’t really have much focus for this year and it’s been something I’ve been very hard on myself about. I’ve always loved the idea of a fresh start for new goals, making changes and a list of things to check off the list throughout the year. I’ve always loved a good list!! I don’t know what my deal is this year but it’s felt like the wind just left my sails. The unprecedented times we’re living in with Covid restrictions, my kids at home SO MUCH and a feeling that all the days are blending together into one long day have all contributed to this feeling. Don’t ask me what I did yesterday because I can’t remember.
During this time, we’ve all probably had a little more time to look at the way we do life and identify the things that aren’t working and the things that are. I’ve had to be really honest with myself about the reasons why I don’t pursue dreams or take baby steps to see if something is a good fit for me. The most obvious reason is one of my biggest struggles: Perfectionism.
It’s one of the biggest challenges in my life. I would love to say I’m a recovering perfectionist but I still struggle with it a lot. I’ve definitely learned to let things go, especially since having kids because sanity but I can still see all that I didn’t do or wish I’d done better all the time. (Shout out to all my enneagram 1’s! This is especially hard for us!! If you don’t know what the Enneagram is, I’ll write a post about it sometime soon. Or just google it and enjoy the rabbit trail!) I also have a hard time starting something unless I know it will turn out exactly how I want it to which is totally unrealistic. I know this.
On the flip side, the way I do life (my husband calls this “my standards”… eye roll) has served me in good ways. If I’ve been an employee, I’ve always been a great one. When I’ve volunteered, I’ve always been totally committed and reliable. When I started doing house flips, the stress of knowing the final product was a reflection on me was A LOT of stress but also made me push to do a good job. So it’s not been all bad.
This brings me to why I’m writing this. I have blogged over the years and I enjoyed having something to put some energy into besides the endless laundry life so I decided to give it another try. I’ve deleted all the old posts because it’s a fresh start and changed the design of my website. Part of me is scared of starting something again without really knowing if I’m going to like it in this season of life and then you will have seen me start and stumble if I don’t do it well or for very long. It also feels vulnerable because I don’t like to do something unless it’s guaranteed to be good. Remember?
So welcome to my 2021. The year I started something that might be fun or I might not like. It might be worth reading or you might not enjoy it. It might be a lot of things but at this point, moving in any direction is better than not moving at all.
xo, Bonnie
